We went to a bar and she told me she was confused. She had met some other fellow and she didnt know between us who she wanted. That was it for me. I hadnt imagined any of this. It was supposed to be epic pleasure. I finished my beer, then hers, went to the bar and demanded that they be refilled. If it wasnt to be epic pleasure than fuck it, epic sadness and pain is just as good.
I had the beers quickly. Then shots, something called a Fisherman. Tasted of medicine. Whats the record on these things? What record? said the bartender. Then its fucking time someone set a record, and I started drinking them up. Where could I go to get in a good fight? Some ghetto up north with Somalians, good, good. This week will not be successful unless I am arrested. Im gonna tear Copenhagen down. All this reticence, everybody looking the same, cleanliness and order, fuck it. Fuck that all. Im gonna break every law there is in this fucking place. I cant remember much else. Probably more cursing, leering, arrogant shit talk and then we went home and I vomited and passed out.
The next morning was terribly awkward. She hated my guts. I wanted her to. My head was gone, along with my heart, and it didnt matter anymore. So, you made your decision yet, I said, grinning. Yes, she said.
She got on the metro and went to work. I stood there for awhile and then I started walking. I didnt have a map and the streets made no sense and it didnt really matter anyway. I didnt have any reason to be in this city. I am often alone and there is nothing to that. But when you are badly hungover, jetlagged, hungry, dehydrated, and have just blown it with a girl in a tremendous, tremendous way, then you arent alone anymore. Youre lonely. Youre standing in Copenhagen in November in the cold and everyone has something and somewhere to be and someone and you got nothing. You came because of something, someone, and now thats gone and you made it go away, you and your arrogance, just you. Maybe you could have fought for her and tried to get her to choose you, but then that is not what you do. You fight for you. You dont fight for anyone else who isnt committed to you and if it hurts, it hurts and then fuck it. Fuck it.
I stepped into a cafe and ate some soup, drank some tea. That made me feel better. My mind was a little clearer. I watched the girls riding by on their bicycles through the window. I had to get on a bicycle. I had to give this city meaning. Only riding alone can take it out of me.
Plenty of good cities begin and end this way. But stay moraline free, see this city, understnand what it does and does not represent. Much good thinking and creation had occured here. Remember Budapest, remember the wars. You have freed yourself here. There is art, there are good minds. Stay pure, stay focused. Are there good training gyms? Libraries, university towns? Soren went to intermissions alone, and then departed alone. Whole goddamn universe is out ther awaiting your exploration general.
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