Ted 2

Ted was telling us about his previous employment as a secret government agent. He had been at every major conflict of the last 20 years: the first Iraq war, the Yugoslav wars, Kosovo--he was there when the Blackhawk helicopters went down in Somalia. He knew those Delta guys. He was there gathering intel. He was once in Africa on safari and got lost from his guide. Follow the river is what you are supposed to do and that is what he did. Clans of bushmen attacked Ted and he repelled their attacks. He followed the river for days and back to civilization. Did we know that he laid 100 girls during spring break 1992? No, we did not. A young blond with a huge ass walked by us and Ted stopped talking. I laid her when I was in high school, he whispered. But Ted, she's in her twenties and you’re almost 40? What does that got to do with anything, he replied.