They made Ted an assistant store manager. I don’t know why. Ted refused to write tags for the pallets he put up in the overheads, claiming dyslexia. Anyone who wanted to know what was up there in the hardware aisle had to take the pallets down and sort through the boxes. It made for quite a lot of work for everyone else. Ted made other claims, the most interesting being his ability to heal from wounds within hours. He claimed even the deepest gashes, requiring stitches, he could recover from in hours without any sign of injury. This Ted attributed to having an extra chromosome. The extra chromosome was discovered, he said, by doctors at the Chicago Zoo. He had gone to the zoo for a very special form of testing. This excess of chromosomes also may have effected his diet. Ted said his stomach could only digest raw meat--he was unable to eat anything else. Ted was short and round yet said his body fat was at exactly 0%. He said he had been in a major high school football championship game and was headed directly for the NFL, bypassing college, had it not been for a serious injury. I assumed in those years he did not yet have the extra chromosome that allowed for quick healing.

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