Beta Gamma Sigma Honor Society

Dear Sir or Madam,

I today received, "courtesy" of your honor society, a bulk mail letter from Geico Insurance advertising its policies. Beta Gamma Sigma is noted on the bottom of the letter as having sold my personal information to Geico. As a longstanding member of your society (since sometime during my college years at XXXXX University), I think it is reasonable to ask for how much my information was sold. Furthermore, for this and any future sales of my personal information I would like to be compensated. My cut is 90% of the sale price for my name, address, and/or phone (should you somehow acquire it). I strike a hard bargain.

Should you refuse to pay me, I request immediate removal from your lowdown, weasily, huckster society. I'll make sure you regret it.

Sincerely yours,


  1. I sold your information for $17.9M in $5 bills. The surprise gift is that I am going to stock the lake with big fish, build a pipeline of bloody marys to Elmer, and get you that boat you always wanted there Donnie. With the left over money, you can buy that shop that wouldn't fork over yr photo.

  2. Anonymous8.2.10

    Twice in my career, I have discovered unsuspected gunshot wounds while autopsying alleged victims of traffic accidents. The Texas case makes it clear that my experience is not unique, and it supports my belief that autopsies should be done on all victims of violence, in part because an external examination of a bloody, mutilated body cannot reliably recognize an unsuspected murder.

    X-rays are better than nothing, but if a bullet goes all the way through, no X-ray would detect it.

    Some question the necessity of autopsies in traffic fatalities. Many coroners and some medical examiners do not require them, and Utah statute specifically excludes such cases from the medical examiner's jurisdiction.

    Are autopsies on traffic victims worth the cost?

    I keep no comprehensive record of the thousands of autopsies I have done, but I can reasonably estimate that since I began doing forensic autopsies in 1983, I have autopsied approximately 800 traffic victims.

    If the average cost to society of doing a medicolegal autopsy is $1,000, each of the two unsuspected murders I've identified cost taxpayers $400,000 (disregarding for the sake of argument any other benefit derived).

    That's a lot of money, but if some nut is taking pot shots at passing vehicles, it's worth a lot to recognize the fact before others are killed.

    The unlikely event of recognizing an occult murder isn't the only reason to autopsy victims of traffic accidents.

  3. Anonymous16.2.10

    An email I wrote to Lens Crafters Customer Service.

    To Whom It May Concern:

    I wanted to inform you that you will be losing my family as a customer. I have been overall underwhelmed and completely dissatisfied with Lens Crafters. Not only in the area of customer service, but with Eye glass quality.

    I am working on my second pair of glasses in the last two years. The first pair of glasses I took into the West Towne Mall store to be adjusted, as they kept sliding down my nose. The woman, albeit accidentally, broke my glasses. To “make up for it” she tried to show me a small (less than 6 pairs) selection of hideous glasses to try and replace my chic and feminine one’s simply because I had been lucky enough to find a pair I liked that were on Sale. After much frustration on my part they finally widened the selection, slightly. The glasses I chose have now just broken. The arm of the frame has simply slid off, seemingly for no reason as they have been working fine before then.

    Furthermore, the customer service at your West Towne Mall is simply atrocious. Perhaps multi-tasking might seem like a good thing to do, but if your reps would actually see the look on their customers faces they wouldn’t see someone happy for multitasking they would see a customer who does not feel important enough to be given the individual time. Today a female sales rep went to ring up a charge for a gentleman customer. When she arrived at the register she saw that a repair man they had obviously hired to do some work was standing there. Instead of choosing to deliver the change and finish up with her customer, she decided to take care of the Repair man first! Does she not understand that Lens Crafters is the Repair Man’s Customer? I could visually see the transformation on the gentleman’s face of being slightly satisfied with the level of service to completely unsatisfied.

    I feel badly for your company, your shiny ads will be seen through soon enough if you don’t focus more on Customer Service to keep the limited customers you currently possess. This is the reason that people purchase goods online, and from other countries the current United States Business Plan apparently has no room for Customer Service.

    Do you realize how detrimental negative Word of Mouth Advertising can be? I’m sure the West Towne Mall Lens Crafters will soon find out…


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